She said "I love you"

"Do you know? Don't you wonder?"

The fire to all research is that single burning question... perhaps it begins with "Why?" "How?" or "What if?". I'm currently listening to "Deja Vu" by Crosby, Stills and Nash and the lyrics turn in circles with "Do you know? Do you wonder?...We have all been here before" and I can't help but relate that to my research.

It's human nature to ask questions. Think of a child in this situation: Mommy, what is that yellow thing? That's the sun, dear. What does it do? It gives us energy to live and makes the plants grow. When did it start being the sun? well... a long time ago I think... Who invented it?... I don't ... mmm... God. Why?... Well... and so on and so on. But the main point is that "we have all been here before". We're all a part of the question, which means we must all be part of the answer. We are all we know. We are the fools and folly and fumbling, but we are also the bold and brave and beautiful. The brains. The body. We have the capacity to solve all the problems we've created in this modern-day society. We must. 

So, how do we get past the question and the daydreaming and start doing something about finding the answer? Unfortunately, I'm still in the mindset that the question itself is romantic and it's been very hard for me to do the practical work, but I'm trying. Really. In the midst of final exams, work, and performances... I'm trying to find that inspiration.

Luckily, I get a swift kick in the butt to be proactive every time I go to International Friends Play. These people inspire me: the women that volunteer as well as the women that live in the AZC here in Maastricht. The stories of the women and children that boarded a boat with no wheel, prayed for calm seas and left everything they knew to pursue a better life. What's astonishing to me is the amount of sheer happiness and optimism that these women exude. Their lives have not been easy... in fact some would say their agony is insurmountable. But they push on - every week they enjoy coffee and cookies and music. And every week we all get a little closer. The hellos have turned to hugs, to kisses on the cheek and heartfelt smiles.

I know now that little Ferris loves to joke and shake maracas. His mom just turned 30 two weeks ago and is always wearing a smile. John, Ivan and Iman are the three children of a beautiful woman who speaks Farsi, not Arabic. Her language barrier from the other refugees and volunteers doesn't stop her or her children from participating with gusto. The oldest girl is now very active in music class and even participates in Microphone solos! John, the middle child, peers at me with a smile from the sides of his eyes. He trusts me, but likes to act like he doesn't. And Ivan, the smallest girl with pitch black hair and tiny gold earrings, bounces and dances to any and all rhythms. She likes to have a shaker in her hand when she dances! However, all three kids get a look of intense terror when their mom goes out of sight, if even for just a moment. It makes me wonder what they've seen, what trauma they may associate with mom being gone. Of course, it could just be separation anxiety - happens all the time when kids can't see their moms. But with their situation, their known struggle... I can't help but feel there isa little more sadness to their story.

Last Tuesday, a woman with a small baby girl and a toddler boy (both with HUGE beautiful brown eyes and the sweetest demeanor) asked me in broken English if I had kids. She must have been surprised when I said no, because my bond with her own tiny daughter has gotten quite strong in the last couple weeks. I would hold her and sing when her mom needed to speak to the other volunteers about clothing or furniture requests. The little baby girl would just stare and smile at me for what seemed like hours. She must have seen the mommy-to-be in me (NOT YET). I tried to explain that I wanted kids, but later. "Not ready now... A Couple Years... Next time... Volgende" I resorted to Dutch, which I actually don't know, but the women and children are learning that more than English. Still, the message was not delivered. She didn't understand, and we ended up giving up chatting and using signals and smiles to communicate instead.

What was strange was that there was a connection - more than I feel with people I've known for months. I felt happy looking at her, and could feel her happy energy looking upon me. It was like we knew that we would be very good friends - if we could only say that in whatever language we spoke. At the end of the playgroup, the moms packed up their kids and the volunteers started their clean-up routine. The woman looked at me, smiled, and said directly and without hesitation - "I love you". I was stunned, but said "I love you too." She smiled a little bigger, took her two kids and waved goodbye.

See you next week then. Could you imagine what would happen if everyone left social situations by saying "I love you" instead of "I have so much to do... hope I can make it next week... let me know what happens with your tax guy"...etc.

Just "I love you". Genuine. Unabashedly genuine.

I love you too.

My Zero Measurement

What is "zero measurement"? 

I was so confused when I first heard this term, even though it was explained thoroughly... more than once. So. What is zero measurement? From what I understand, zero measurement is the knowledge you have available now. Pre-google. Pre-analyzing. Pre...researching. For example, if I were to start a research on basketball (coming from Indiana, USA) I would say these things:

-it's a sport with one ball and two hoops
-there are two teams
-the scores are usually very high (compared to soccer or football)
-there's something called "March Madness" (my grandma is really into that)
-both men and women have leagues, but the men's league is more popular

So that's what I know. Well, I may know a little more, but not much. I could make some quick google searches and discover some more basic facts. But what you do with this zero measurement is what I find exciting. From these facts, one is able to form questions. For example with the given information - "it´s a sport with one ball and two hoops", one can elaborate! Why does it only have one ball? What is the historical context of basketball? Does it possibly come from the ancient Mayan games where the "ball" was actually sometimes a human head? (I think it does...) And finally, one can make a research claim based on all these questions. Whichever piques your interest is the one you´ll probably choose. Let's go with the Mayan example and make a "research claim". According to grammar.about.com, a claim is 

"an arguable statement--an idea that a rhetor (that is, a speaker or writer) asks an audience to accept. Also called an arguable statement."

Arguable statements... I've made those my whole life. Just ask my mother. Buh-dn-ksh! No, but really. Let's think about this Mayan thing. Perhaps - and I'm coming from zero knowledge here - but what about "The Ancient Mayan game, Pok-ta-pok, created the modern day basketball that we know today". Well, after just a quick google search, I actually found that the game is called "Pok-ta-pok" which is more than I knew at the Zero Measurement phase. 

All right all right! Enough basketball. I'm bored. Let's get back to the music! 

To analye MY zero measurement, we should go back to my Research Assignment #1. Like I said, I wasn't quite clear on what that term meant back then (a couple months ago), so my zero measurement actually just consisted of five keywords: Vocal Therapy, Communication Therapy, Refugees, Syrian Culture, and  Improvisation in Syrian Music. These keywords will eventually lead me to a zero measurement and perhaps even a concrete research claim, but first they lead me to my main research question:

How can vocal improvisation create communication between refugee women and local women in the Maastricht community (including expats)?

 With a little more research, I found ways that I could incorporate improvisation into my research. My favorite was the idea of Circle Singing, made famous by Bobby McFerrin. In this structure there is a leader (that would be me) and the participants form a circle around the leader looking for their musical "cues" to make a cohesive sound. From this group sound, there are at times spontaneous improvisation. Conversation! Could this musical conversation lead to a deeper dialogue between the women in the playgroup? Think of all the different cultures and musical backgrounds of these women. Middle-Eastern music fused with Western European classical ideas, and American rock and jazz. Whew! 

Well... that's just what I want to find out! I'll be sure to keep you posted.

Spanish Fiesta

Tomorrow brings a new class, and a new song sheet! For the next three weeks we'll be focusing on Spanish language and culture in our music classes. 

My friend and kid-music-guru, Brian Barrentine, created this fantastic company called Funikijam. He's now leading the way in childhood education and entertainment. 

"Built on the original rhymes, chants, songs and stories of founder Brian Barrentine,  FunikiJam started with a Nashville playgroup  in 1999. Now, FunikiJam has evolved into a landmark early childhood education and entertainment organization with an annual reach of over 70,000 patrons. From NYC headquarters, FunikiJam delivers its trademark "music exploration for the next generation" across the globe through classes,  live shows, musical recordings, film production, and teacher training."

I was trained by Brian over the course of 3 years, and learned his unique fusion of known educational methods (like Kodaly and Orff Approach) with his own original kid-friendly compositions. As his first NYC "Teaching Artist" I ended up working for a number of schools including Brooklyn Conservatory, The Caedmon School and PS3, and performing all over the country with the Funikijam World Tour. The experience I gained was truly invaluable. 

When I heard about the possibility of working with the International Friends Play, I knew this curriculum should be incorporated. It celebrates everything we are trying to create within the playgroup: intercultural understanding, connecting through music, and a safe, fun atmosphere for kids to grow and learn. 

In a perfect world, there would be some Arabic translations on this song sheet (like the one from last week...below):

However, our translator is a volunteer as well with children of her own and sometimes... there just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day. So, as a student of jazz I do what I've been taught - I improvise! We'll print the all-English song sheet for tomorrow and then if the Arabic comes later, I'll simply add it to the sheet and (try) to learn the pronunciation for at least one song. 

I'm still trying to decide how to go about my next level of research - the women's Circle Singing. I suppose the first step will be permission forms... in English AND Arabic. Oooofff... not looking forward to that part, but it is an absolutely necessary step. Besides the normal "permission forms" in research, I must be especially delicate with the refugee situation. Sometimes being filmed isn't just uncomfortable, but dangerous to the family involved. We'll see what happens, but tomorrow... we sing!

Hasta mañana!

A New Beginning: My Introduction

Life is full of them; new beginnings. Things end, others begin. As an expat, I know this journey personally. It's a way of life. I chose it, and willingly accepted ending my time in one space to move freely to another, only to build up a life in that space and move on once again. It will probably happen at least a couple more times before my time is done. This ebb and flow is natural to me. Like a rambling river I glide through different atmospheres, tumble over rocks and boulders and eventually find my way to the great sea. All the while, I try to enjoy the beautiful and ever-changing scenery.


My newest beginning, as of late, is in a small city in the Southern part of the Netherlands called Maastricht. Fittingly, a river runs through the middle of the city, separating it into parts. Most notably to me -the City Center and Classical Music building of ZUYD University are on one side and the Jazz Building and Train Station are on the other. Both sides have their charms. In the eight months that I've lived here I have set up "home" in four different apartments on both sides of the River Maas. Ever-changing.

Many people have questions when they hear how many places I've called home.

1. Why did you move so much? Were your parents in the military? No... no, we moved to follow my father's work. After college, I decided I wanted to keep on moving a bit. I spent 6 years in NYC but saved all my money from bartending and teaching to take "personal trips" once a year to different countries. These other worlds opened my eyes and influenced every part of my life. I then moved to Colombia for a year after being swept away by the romantic imagery and Magical Realism of "Love in the Time of Cholera" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. In Colombia, I fell in love with a jazz man, started singing Latin Jazz, learned to cook and taught English. My partner and I moved to the Netherlands after receiving scholarships to study Masters in Jazz at the Conservatorium Maastricht. So - here we are.

2. How can you afford this? I can't. At least not in the way that you may think. I always only have juuuust enough to cover food and shelter. I figure the rest out when I get there building on previous experiences (musician, music teacher, english teacher, travel writer). I find the more open one is, the more opportunities present themselves.

3. Do you miss your friends and family? Of course! But the beauty of traveling is that you are forced to make personal connections with people in order to survive (that is - if you are a "social" person, like me. Some people don't need this connection in the same way I do). I have had the great pleasure to become incredibly close to people that I may never have spoken to in the USA due to language restrictions or cultural differences. Some of these friends have become so important to me for different reasons that I consider them family as well. My "family" didn't disappear... it just got a little bigger.

Here's where my introduction comes to an end, and a new story begins. 

I move because I want to, but that's not the case for some people. Between April 2011 and December 2015, approximately 897,645 Asylum Applications were received from Syrian Refugees seeking safety in Europe (United Nations, 2016). These men, women and children have been surrounded by violence for years, and have decided to risk everything for a better life. With this decision, they are suddenly uprooted from their homeland and everything familiar. Sometimes families are separated for months or years while seeking safer shelter. 

I felt immediately drawn to the plight of these strong men and women, many of whom have suffered more than I will ever know. My instinct wasn't to give money to the cause (I have none), or to demand justice in the governmental systems (not my area) or even to explain my supportive position to frightened family members (been there, tried that). My strength... my purpose is music. It always has been no matter where I am on the map. So, how could I bring my passion for music into the Refugee Community of Maastricht?

It's all about communication.

I started talking about it. And talking about it. And asking questions... and talking some more. I talked to her and she talked to them and then I talked to them and they talked to her. That's how I came to be involved with Emma Bendall, Poyer Conforte, the initiative International Friends Play and the NGO -Not Just a Number. 

With my previous experience as a music teacher and Teaching Artist at Funikijam in NYC, I offered my services as a volunteer "music teacher" for the playgroup on Tuesdays. Funikijam LLC has granted me permission to use their curriculum for this project. I also incorporate my own curriculum and try to include at least one song in Arabic (graciously translated by another volunteer). We rock and roll and sing and dance and play! The kids range from 3 weeks to 7 years and the families come from all over the world, but the majority are refugees from Syria.

My goal is to create a communication between refugee, expat, and local women of Maastricht using Vocal Improvisation. I've been working with this project for the last 8 weeks. Though it's a part of my Master Research at the Conservatorium Maastricht, it's also a very personal project. I want to further our understanding of communicating through music and what effects this nonverbal communication may have on our global future. 

That's my "research plan". For now, we get together every tuesday. We talk (with the help of hand gestures and translators), share coffee and cookies, run after children of all colors and backgrounds, and make music together. I believe that's a good start.

I'll be keeping this blog as a sort of documentation to see what changes from now until the end of my research. I'm happy to receive comments or questions you may have about my research or in general. This is all new to me! There will - no doubt - be rocks in the river that I'll have to swim around. But I know, no matter what happens, it's going to be a great and ever-changing view. 
Thanks for joining my journey!